


Dear Kurt

by humanveil



Category: Glee
Genre: Angst, Blangst, M/M, Old Writing, POV First Person, Suicidal Ideation, Suicide, post-glease
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-19
Updated: 2015-04-19
Packaged: 2018-03-24 17:02:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3776455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/humanveil/pseuds/humanveil
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Blaine tries one last time to tell Kurt how sorry he is, how much he loves him. Written as an email.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dear Kurt

**Author's Note:**

> another it of old work i'm uploading from fanfic.net. i haven't reread, and idk if it's any good, but here it is!

Dear Kurt;

I know you don't want to hear it and this will be the last time I'll try and make you forgive me, but I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry, Kurt. I never meant to hurt you. I never meant to do that to you. I wish I could turn back time, but I can't. I know you're sick of me apologising but, Kurt, I need you to know how sorry I truly am.

I know you probably hate me. I understand. I'd be surprised if you didn't, I hate me too. Maybe even more than you do. I don't know what made me do it. Or maybe I do. I don't really know anything anymore. I just felt alone, really,  _really_ , alone. You weren't there and I just needed someone, anyone, to get rid of that feeling. It's like you're moving on with your life and forgetting about me. But who am I to tell you to stay? Who am I to tell you to come back and help me? That's selfish, extremely selfish.

 _"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return."_ You're probably questioning it, but I do love you. I always have and I always will. It hurts to know that even for a second you might think it isn't true. I love you more than I've ever loved anything or anyone.

 _I love your smile_ ; all of them. Whenever you smile it's like the sun just got a little brighter and life got a little better. It sounds silly, I know, but it's true. I love your smile eve more when I put it there.

 _I love your laugh_ ; it's beautiful. As cheesy as I sound, it's like music to my ears. I don't understand how a laugh can be so perfect.

 _I love your giggle_ ; it's adorable. I love when I make you giggle. Even if it means making a fool of myself.

 _I love your voice_ ; it's breathtakingly beautiful. I know sometimes you don't like how high pitched it can get but I love it. I love it when you sing, when you talk, when you whisper.

 _I love it when you sing to me_ ; it always captivates me. It's always so wonderful and full of compassion.

 _I love how adorable you look with bed hair_ ; actually, I just love your hair. But seriously, I know you hate it but your bed hair is one of  _the_ most adorable things I have ever witnessed.

 _I love your blush_ ; it's cute. I love how much you blush, too, even though you hate it. I love how you blush when we talk about sexual things even though we've done it all.

 _I love the noises you make when we make love_ ; I'll never forget them. God, they're beautiful, and sexy. Like really, really sexy. I love how you're probably blushing now.

 _I love how strong you are_ ; stronger than I ever will be, than I could ever hope to be. You may not believe me when I say it, but you are the strongest person I have ever met, ever will meet.

 _I love how you're a beautiful person, inside and out_ ; you truly are the single most amazing person I have ever had the privilege of meeting.

 _I love your sexy faces_ ; do you remember that? When we both went to Dalton, before we were together. It seems like forever ago now. I hope you know they're a lot better.

 _I love how you can make me feel better just by smiling in me general direction_ ; seriously! Your smile makes me feel better, makes my day brighter.

 _I love the way you look_ ; you're stunning. Beautiful, sexy, gorgeous, adorable, magnificent. I'll never forget the first time I saw you.

 _I love how tight your jeans are_ ; sometimes I wonder how you even fit into them. They're always just so tight. Do you paint them on?

 _I love how you look in my clothes_ ; it's just so cute! I love how my pants are too short for you but my shirts and jumpers are always too big.

 _I love your eyes_ ; how easy it is to get lost in them. I can never tell the colour, a mix between blue, green and grey. Whenever I think I've figured out what colour they are, they change on me. It's beautiful. I also love how expressive they are, I could always tell what you were feeling.

 _I love how you love me more than I ever will_ ; sometimes I don't even know why you love me. How you can love me. I just don't see what there is to love.I love that you love me enough for the both of us. I love that you love me, even when you don't want to. I really just love that you love me.

 _I love that even after you knew about all of my problems and my past, you stayed_ ; it hardly ever happens. There are a lot of things in my past that I'm not proud of, you'd know, and I always find it hard to comprehend the fact that you're still here after knowing about it all.

 _I love the way your eyes light up when you talk about something you love_ ; it makes me happy. You get this glint in your eyes and it's like you could talk about the topic  _forever._ Not that I'd mind, I'd be more than happy to sit and listen.

 _I love our first kiss_ ; it was a gorgeous moment, don't you think? Slow and gentle, full of passion. I'll never, ever forget it.

 _I love our first time_ ; I'll never forget this either. Ever. It was foreign and awkward, yes, but it was also perfect. We went slow, took out time. It was full of love, it meant something. I was so happy we did it when we did. It was magical, like all good things combined into one.

 _I love when we sing together_ ; it sounds so good. I love every duet we've ever done together.

 _I love the way you play with my hair when it's free of gel;_ it feels so nice. I'd never wear it again if it meant you'd run your fingers through it forever.

 _I love how smart you are_ ; it's unbelievable, really. Sometimes it's like you have an answer to anything and everything.

 _I love that we were friends before we were together_ ;as cheesy as it is. We learnt so much about each other before we got together. We fell in love with each other without even realising it. Or maybe you knew, I was always kind of blind about this type of thing.

 _I love your fashion sense_ ; it's astonishing. I honestly do not understand how you do it. Your clothes are always perfect, always matching. There's nothing ever out of place. It's like a work of art.

 _I love how you comfort me_ ; I miss that. You always seemed to know when I needed to be comforted, to be held, or when I needed to be left alone. You knew when to tell me everything would be alright, even though I knew it wouldn't be, or when to just kiss me softly and tell me that you love me.

 _I love how you feel in my arms_ ; it was so warm. I always felt so safe, so loved. I used to wonder if that was what it felt like for you when I would hold you. That's probably why I used to hold you so much; I wanted you to feel like that.

 _I love when we sleep in the same bed_ ; it just feels right. We'd always cuddle, holding onto each other in the middle of the bed. I love burying my face in your neck, you always smelt so nice.

 _I love how adorable your pout is_ ; I'd give you anything you asked for. The way you widen your eyes and stick you bottom lip out just enough.

 _I love how you always stand out in a crowd;_ always. There's just something about you that makes you stand out. I can always pick you out in a crowded room.

 _I love it when you're happy;_ it makes me happy. Seeing you smile, seeing you laugh. I love it even more when I know that I'm the reason you're happy.

 _I love how well you know me_ ; you know everything there is to know. I could never keep anything from you. I don't know what it was, what it is, but I just can't lie to you, I can't keep things from you. At least, not longer than a few days.

 _I love how you keep all my secrets_ ; you're truly amazing. You never told anyone anything and for that I'll be forever grateful. I know you'll keep them now, even though could tell anyone, everyone. And that just makes me love you a little more – if it's even possible.

 _I love how you don't think my scars are disgusting_ ; everyone else would. But then again, you aren't everyone else. You're so much better, so much more.

 _I love that you always told me that I'm beautiful, even though I know I'm not_ ; I never really understood it. You told me in basically every day. I didn't understand how someone as beautiful, talented and wonderful as you could think I was one of the most beautiful things you had ever seen.

 _I love how imperfectly perfect you are_ ; it's true. I'd say you were just perfect but I know you hate that. Because no one is perfect, even I know that. It's just you come pretty damn close.

 _I love that all our firsts were with each other_ ; it's special. Our first relationship, first proper kiss, first date, first time. I wish all our lasts could be together, too, but I blew that one.

 _I love how we used to talk about our future_ ; I wish it could be true. The future we had planned… it was flawless. I know things wouldn't have turned out exactly like we planned but as long as I had you, I didn't care.

 _I love how it feels when you trace patterns on my skin_ ; it was soothing. It would calm me down when I got angry, it would put me to sleep when nothing else would. It was always so gentle, almost as if you were scared to hurt me.

 _I love your facial expressions_ ; they're hilarious. I'd have to say your bitch face is my favourite, at least when it's not directed at me.

 _I love how passionate you are_ ; it's one of my favourite things about you. When you love something, you really love it.

 _I love how you followed your dreams_ ; it took a lot of courage. To just leave, to just close one door and walk through the next; without knowing exactly what's facing you on the other side.

 _I love how funny you are_ ; you're truly hilarious. Your quick-wit is another one of my favourite things about you.

To put it simply…  _I love you._

Always yours,

Blaine Anderson.


End file.
